Part 3: Breaking the Mirror’s Hold: Small Steps to Reclaim How You See Yourself (Dysmorphia)

Taking the First Step

Breaking free from the power of the mirror doesn’t mean avoiding it entirely or forcing yourself to love everything you see all at once. It’s about taking small, deliberate steps to change the way you perceive yourself. Think of it as rewiring the relationship you have with your reflection—a relationship that has likely been shaped by years of self-criticism, societal pressures, and unrealistic standards.

I remember when I started my journey toward reclaiming my self-image. There was a time when I would glance at my reflection and immediately look away, consumed by negative thoughts. One day, I decided to try something different. I stood in front of the mirror, not to scrutinize, but simply to observe. I made a conscious effort to see beyond the surface and remind myself that my reflection is not my enemy; it’s a reflection of my humanity.

Understanding the Hold

Mirrors have a unique way of amplifying our insecurities. For many of us, they become tools of judgment rather than self-awareness. When we look into a mirror, we often zoom in on perceived imperfections rather than seeing the full picture. This hyper-focus creates a distorted view of reality.

One of my clients shared how she avoided mirrors completely, even after losing weight. For her, every glance felt like a reminder of what she once was and a reflection of the struggles she had endured. Through our work together, we reframed her relationship with her reflection. She began to see the mirror as a neutral tool, not a weapon. It’s a process that takes time, but the transformation was life-changing for her.

Practical Exercises to Break the Mirror’s Hold

Here are some small steps that can help you start reshaping your relationship with the mirror:

1. Observation Without Judgment: Stand in front of the mirror and simply observe your reflection for 30 seconds without making any comments—positive or negative. This exercise is about becoming aware of how you view yourself without attaching emotions to it.

2. Gratitude Reflection: Each day, choose one thing about your body that you’re grateful for. It doesn’t have to be physical—it could be something your body allows you to do, like hugging loved ones or dancing to your favorite song.

3. Trace Your Silhouette: A powerful exercise I recommend is having someone trace your silhouette on a large piece of crafting paper. Once you have the outline, hang it on a wall and take time to meditate on it. Reflect on the values you hold dear and associate them with parts of your body. This exercise can help you see your body as a vessel for your values and strengths.

   

   My Silhouette

4. Connect Through Touch: Spend time connecting with your body through touch. For example, while applying lotion, take a moment to appreciate each part of your body. This can help you foster a sense of care and connection rather than criticism.

Redefining What You See

The mirror doesn’t define you; it reflects what you choose to see.

I remember the first time I tried the silhouette exercise, I was hesitant. My husband was the one who traced me, and while he has never been critical of my body, the vulnerability I felt wasn’t about him—it was all about me. Standing there as my silhouette was being traced felt like confronting years of internalized criticism and disconnection from my body. I realized that while I had no issue with my nakedness before him, it was the mirror that I had avoided for so long.

Once I saw the outline on paper, something shifted. It wasn’t the critical image I had in my mind. It was just me—my shape, my body, my vessel. I hung the silhouette in my office, my safe space, and created a small ritual around it. I lit a candle, put on some meditation music, and grabbed a stack of sticky notes. On each note, I wrote down one of my top 10 values and placed it on the part of the body I associated that value with.

I remember my biggest discomfort was my belly because of the stretch marks. But in that moment, all I saw was love—the love I have for my firstborn, the most beautiful love ever. My belly also symbolized courage and forgiveness. My second child, my son, gave me the courage to move forward in my professional life as a single mother of two. With my third and youngest child, forgiveness became the value I cherished deeply. Raising her at 36 taught me how to forgive myself for past mistakes and embrace the present with grace and self-compassion.

On my chest, I saw my value of love for learning. On my hips, I saw my sense of humor (my husband traced my hips really big, and we laughed about it, which made me treasure that value even more). My hands represented creativity, my shoulders equity, and my feet humility.  

Over the next few days, I spent time reflecting on that silhouette and those values, reminding myself that my body is not my enemy but a part of my story. Remember, the power lies within you, not in the reflection. As I often tell my clients, clothes don’t have life—we give them life. Similarly, the mirror doesn’t hold power—we do. By reclaiming your narrative, you can begin to see your reflection through a lens of compassion and acceptance.

Progress, Not Perfection

This journey isn’t about achieving perfection or loving everything you see overnight. It’s about progress and learning to embrace the parts of yourself that make you uniquely you. Some days will feel easier than others, and that’s okay. What matters is that you keep moving forward, one small step at a time.

Moving Forward

In the next part of this series, we’ll explore how to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion. For now, take a moment to try one of the exercises above and reflect on how it makes you feel. Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection.

Take a moment to try the silhouette tracing or gratitude reflection exercise. How did it feel? Share your experience in the comments or message me privately. Let’s continue this journey together.

Key Takeaway: Breaking the mirror’s hold starts with small, intentional steps. Reclaiming your reflection is a process of shifting from judgment to compassion.

Written by: Carilyn Egleé

Personal Image Coach

January 16, 2025

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to replace professional advice or treatment. If you believe you are experiencing body dysmorphia or any related condition, please seek guidance from a qualified mental health professional.